Signs of Grace

Lord, let me pray true
True from my heart
No longer empty words extracted from songs 
Reacting to tickled emotions with tears
But the song ends as does my reason for crying
The illusion of the heart of our conversation
The shallow drawing of my heart
Let me not "tease" You with enticing words or
Play the harlot attempting to "seduce" 
With sweet words that invoke my emotions
May my prayers be not pitiful pleas
Always about me and my list
But may I shut up long enough
To hear the beat of Your heart
May it not be a religious hymnal 
Full of words I don't know or mean
But may my tears mix with my heart and 
Spell out the genuine love I truly have for You
Whether in Your presence where I sit 
In the silence of being at one and at peace 
With my Almighty God of Whom 
I am not even worthy to rest in Thine arms
Or endure a process of painful purging and pruning
You requesting of me all that I am
Leaving nothing in my hands to control
A process of losing to gain, dying to live
It's in Your presence I long to remain
The place where my heart floats
Because You remove my heaviness
The only place my mind is drained
No doubts or worries remain
All hope and trust restored
It's in the place no words can describe
And no heart can resist
The beat of Your heart lures me in
Your whisper stands out of the silenced screams
Out of all the commotion of life
Your presence is my hiding place, my refuge
It's my hospital where You perform surgery
Open heart surgery--
You open my heart and expose the depths
No closets or corners unvisited
No doors that haven't been opened
Or rooms You haven't walked into
You've illuminated the shadows of illusions
Illusions of happy faces, masks, and fake smiles
When I leave Your presence
You remind me that I can't
For to leave Your presence is for You to be absent
And never will You leave me nor forsake me
Never will You vacate
The premises of my heart, of my being
All the doors left open and lights flipped on
Beauty radiating from my core
Now feeling weightless for darkness is heavy
But light lifts the load, the heavy burdens
However this encounter is 
Not to be once in a lifetime 
My heart so depends on You to do housecleaning 
Never shall I escort You out
No light bills of self-controlling my own
Trying to save something to keep my hand on
When piles of rubbish mound up
You address it and rearrange
Even if I try to say it's organized and under my control


But oh my God
My house cleaner and landlord
My prize and reward
My breath and my life
You are my creditor
I am Your debtor
You empty me out
I am left full
I could speak and You would listen
But when You speak
My words of doubt and thoughts of fear
Are eradicated and replaced
By reminders of hope and actions of love
And everything that reveals evidence
That I've been in Your presence
Empty words became heart cries
Heart cries become songs of praise
Love songs and songs of war
Warring for souls yet to be saved
Songs of the war You did for my heart


I walked in a pitiful fraud
A poor imitation of who You've called me to be
But You restored me 
To Your hopeful bride
Full of genuine love and
Re-ignited with passion
Light hearted and an
Open doored, empty closeted
Shadowless, Presence dwelling
Victim of Your perfect peace, 
Joy, love, and grace
Trusting You with my heart
With faith in He who gives
My very life meaning
He whose Presence is my very breath
The smile I bear and the love I behold
Welcoming me into another day
Paying an unpayable debt
That's been paid for by Your Son
Sure sign of grace






Now, you may wonder why the title of this "poem" is called "Signs of Grace." Well, you see it started off as conviction. So many times in my life I've been moved by a feeling or an emotion I've gotten to a song, I cry, pray something then by the time the song ends for one I've forgotten the prayer I prayed and two can't even remember why I was crying. The poem just kept going til my heart was completely just spilled out and my hand just went! At the end of it I was just going to leave it untitled til God really showed me that everything written was evidence of His grace in my life because, you see, through illusions of who I was called to be, through half-hearted, pity prayers God never quit loving me, never said, "You just aren't good enough," never did He retract His grace, that I am so undeserving of, from my life. So that is why it is titled what it is. :)


Charis Ivana... Due to Grace