It's crazy how you spend just about every waking hour allowed with your "group," then you hit graduation, and it's almost as if you never shared the same air! lol Life gets busy, God sends you crazy places, we go back to life as we thought we knew it. God walks us through new things, takes us to new places, teaches us new things that couldn't have been taught as long as you were surrounded all drawing you closer and closer to His heart and desire for you (if you set your agenda aside long enough to let Him). You come out a different, better, stronger person with new perspectives, mindsets, and outlook on life.
I visited CFNI last week, February 15, and as I sat in the back of the IB and listened to all the "cuttin up" going on around me, I couldn't believe how much I had taken for granted. How much once upon a time I was the student texting or passing notes to friends giggling and such. I all but felt an urgency to get on stage and yell to the students as a graduate and one who's lived far outside the vicinity of the CFNI or even Bible Belt "bubble" to take in every bit you can, leave the past behind at the altar and pick up all that God has for you in this season of your life. Embrace 8am worship and having RA's that care and truly want the best for you, even when you're not too convinced of so. Don't take for granted being surrounded by people that love the Lord and seek His face. Don't take for granted the support system you're surrounded by. Don't forget everything God did and does in you. Don't take Bible studies and Holy Spirit led conversations and setups for granted. Don't solely spend every waking hour living in some "holy cloud" where you forget about the reality of living in the NOW. Take the time to laugh, to love, to have fun. Take time to breathe, to share, to learn, to be open with someONE at least one. Because you can't go back once it's all said and done. God may bring you somewhere where all of this is gone... there's no bubble, no spontaneous worship break-outs, no simply sitting silently in the presence of God. I don't regret.... because what God's taught me and brought me through post-graduation is irreplaceable and I wouldn't have changed it for anything. Everything He taught me and spoke to me was and is vital to the rest of my life and His plan for me. However, I can forewarn all who are still in the midst of your season, whether it be at CFNI or any other season. Just don't take it for granted. "Be anxious for nothing."
This, although incomplete, is what I wrote that day sitting in lecture:
As I sit here where it all started
Memories flood my mind
Times of love and friendships
Times of brokenness and vulnerability
Times of joy and gladness
Laughter and tears
These were the times I took for granted
The times I left full hearted
But empty handed
This is where I was ready to leave
But once gone longed to return
Now I'm surrounded by those
Walking the path I took
Not off the beaten path
But walking beside it
I know not everyone takes it for granted. But I know for sure I was more excited to leave and finally have a break than the day I got there my first semester... and I was pretty stoked! Then life happens and even though I was on campus all summer for KFN, enjoying every bit of being surrounded by kids and seeing them in the presence of God, when God moved me it was what He had established and done in me in Agape and Mary Martha, the GLHOP, All Night Prayer, chapel and times of tears staining the carpet in the IB that got me through and kept my feet grounded. It was my season of being at CFNI that prepared me for times to come even though there's always more to learn. CFNI doesn't and can't teach you everything you need to know for every new and possibly trying season God brings you to but it definitely laid a new foundation for my relationship with God to be built upon. Being away taught me new things on a deeper relational level with God; a learning by living. Friends, acquaintances, and the like can't replace the relationship you have with God. So as you're at CFNI or wherever, don't be a "loner" and just spend every bit of time alone cause I think it's a lie that you don't need anyone else in your life but God. God places people in your life to walk with and beside you, to hold you up when in weakness, to keep you accountable. Nevertheless, they can't be God nor the Holy Spirit or your Savior... only tools. So hold on to, nourish, and further cultivate your relationship with Father. Don't let friends become Baals and idols. Keep Him number 1 and He'll show you things you've never seen and teach you things no professor could teach you. He'll reveal things you've never seen and sing songs over you like you've never heard. He'll whisper such incomparable love to your heart that no man or woman could ever speak with as much sincerity and truth as He could.
-Charis :)
